OK, quick inventory check.
Three hundred quid. Check.
Passports. Check.
eTickets for the flight. Check.
Called to get a taxi from the airport to the B&B. Check.
Get ready, Manchester. In just over four days, I'll be back in England for the first time in four years. So you better have a World Cup 2006 mug for sale, plenty of Cadbury's chocolate and bags of Smoky Bacon Crisps at the ready, and steak and kidney pie when I want it. Because I'm back, if only for a week, and by the GODS I've missed that steak and kidney pie.
COME ON!!!
Listen : This Is England - The Clash ... British Colonialism And The BBC - Chumbawumba ... World In Motion - NewOrder & The England 1990 World Cup Squad.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Ever see the film 'The Terminator'? Yeah, I know. 100% highbrow, well done Shawn. The bit where John Connor's dad from the future explains what a terminator T-800 is...
Listen and understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. Until you are dead.
Now imagine that, but as a plant.
This is Japanese Knotweed. Otherwise known as Japanese Rhubarb, or (in my own words) That Bastard Plant I Refuse To Let Overgrow My Garden. Bastard, Bastard, Bastard. It was introduced as a lovely little plant from Asia because of its lovely little flowers ...and now it's such a problem everywhere except Asia that many countries have deemed it illegal if you deliberately plant the stuff. It grows from the root, so spraying it with weedkiller just annoys it. If you build a house on top of a small piece of root, it may not be the last you see of it. Just 0.7 grams of root is enough. It will grow up to seven metres underground and can be buried 3 metres down and still eventually get to the surface. Can't be bargained with, can't be reasoned with, and it absolutely will not stop. Until it destroys your foundations.
Here's the bit that will blow your mind. According to this page, the plant is naturally dioecious, which means that you need male and female plants for sexual reproduction to take place. But only a female was introduced in Europe and America. One female plant, with cuttings from that one plant and breakoffs from that one plant, has spread out across the world. Which means all the Japanese Knotweed I'm digging out is just looking for a boyfriend. In pure total biomass terms, it is probably the biggest female in the world. The infestation in Swansea in the south of Wales ALONE has been estimated to weigh 62,000 tonnes, the same as 40 blue whales!
It's not all bad. it's called Japanese Rhubarb for a reason. It's edible. The link takes you to Wild Man Steve Brill's site where he has recipes for Apple and Knotweed Pie, Knot Soup, Steamed Knotweed Sesame... so if society fails tomorrow, I'll be digging up the stuff and boiling a pot of water.
Listen : A Growing Boy Needs His Lunch - Dead Kennedys ... The Garden - Faithless ... Donkey Rhubarb - Aphex Twin. Nice selection of punk and electronica there.
Listen and understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. Until you are dead.
Now imagine that, but as a plant.
This is Japanese Knotweed. Otherwise known as Japanese Rhubarb, or (in my own words) That Bastard Plant I Refuse To Let Overgrow My Garden. Bastard, Bastard, Bastard. It was introduced as a lovely little plant from Asia because of its lovely little flowers ...and now it's such a problem everywhere except Asia that many countries have deemed it illegal if you deliberately plant the stuff. It grows from the root, so spraying it with weedkiller just annoys it. If you build a house on top of a small piece of root, it may not be the last you see of it. Just 0.7 grams of root is enough. It will grow up to seven metres underground and can be buried 3 metres down and still eventually get to the surface. Can't be bargained with, can't be reasoned with, and it absolutely will not stop. Until it destroys your foundations.
Here's the bit that will blow your mind. According to this page, the plant is naturally dioecious, which means that you need male and female plants for sexual reproduction to take place. But only a female was introduced in Europe and America. One female plant, with cuttings from that one plant and breakoffs from that one plant, has spread out across the world. Which means all the Japanese Knotweed I'm digging out is just looking for a boyfriend. In pure total biomass terms, it is probably the biggest female in the world. The infestation in Swansea in the south of Wales ALONE has been estimated to weigh 62,000 tonnes, the same as 40 blue whales!
It's not all bad. it's called Japanese Rhubarb for a reason. It's edible. The link takes you to Wild Man Steve Brill's site where he has recipes for Apple and Knotweed Pie, Knot Soup, Steamed Knotweed Sesame... so if society fails tomorrow, I'll be digging up the stuff and boiling a pot of water.
Listen : A Growing Boy Needs His Lunch - Dead Kennedys ... The Garden - Faithless ... Donkey Rhubarb - Aphex Twin. Nice selection of punk and electronica there.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Well, it took long enough but now I'm finally a film star --
I'd better explain this one. I know a young filmmaker by the name of Nick. He edited a film called "Spades", shown at the Cultural Center last year, and he called me out of the blue the other day and said "would you like to be in a film I'm doing?"
Hardly the sparkle of Hollywood, but it'll do for little old me!
"OK, so what do you want me to do?"
What he wanted me to do was dress like a homeless bum, stand outside an old bingo hall and pretend that I was slightly unhinged as the main actor walked by, noticed that I was a little odd, and he walked off camera. And how does a man pretend to be unhinged? Well, he has to pretend to be the doorman of the bingo hall. So I was wearing another pair of trousers over my pair, the laces of my Reeboks were untied, and I was given a waistcoat that would have fitted me perfectly (when I was twelve) to wear over my white t-shirt.
Oh, and I had to recite the alphabet backwards. Over and over again. Really loudly. As if I were holding a conversation with nobody in particular. As people walked and drove by.
So there I am, with two people working the sound equipment holding a microphone just to the side of me. There's a film camera rolling across the street. And people driving by slow to a crawl because there's some loon reciting the alphabet backwards with an English accent and he looks like a freak.
I loved it! Good luck with the film, Nick.
Listen : Silver Screen (Shower Scene) - Felix Da Housecat ... End Of The Movie - Cake ... Film Me & Finish Me Off - Apollo 440.
I'd better explain this one. I know a young filmmaker by the name of Nick. He edited a film called "Spades", shown at the Cultural Center last year, and he called me out of the blue the other day and said "would you like to be in a film I'm doing?"
Hardly the sparkle of Hollywood, but it'll do for little old me!
"OK, so what do you want me to do?"
What he wanted me to do was dress like a homeless bum, stand outside an old bingo hall and pretend that I was slightly unhinged as the main actor walked by, noticed that I was a little odd, and he walked off camera. And how does a man pretend to be unhinged? Well, he has to pretend to be the doorman of the bingo hall. So I was wearing another pair of trousers over my pair, the laces of my Reeboks were untied, and I was given a waistcoat that would have fitted me perfectly (when I was twelve) to wear over my white t-shirt.
Oh, and I had to recite the alphabet backwards. Over and over again. Really loudly. As if I were holding a conversation with nobody in particular. As people walked and drove by.
So there I am, with two people working the sound equipment holding a microphone just to the side of me. There's a film camera rolling across the street. And people driving by slow to a crawl because there's some loon reciting the alphabet backwards with an English accent and he looks like a freak.
I loved it! Good luck with the film, Nick.
Listen : Silver Screen (Shower Scene) - Felix Da Housecat ... End Of The Movie - Cake ... Film Me & Finish Me Off - Apollo 440.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Ah, spring. That time of year, as Alfred Lord Tennyson once so famously wrote, when "a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love."
Or, if you're an ice-hockey player in the AHL, it turns to thoughts of the post-season. Especially if you're playing for one of two teams that'll be facing each other next week in the Playoffs.
A 3-0 victory by the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins had the Bridgeport Sound Tigers a little miffed, especially when one of the goals was scored in one of the Tigers' power plays, which is why they stopped playing hockey and started playing up close and personal with the Baby Pens. Get a room, lads.
Big thanks to Mike and Dellyn for getting the tickets for the game.
Listen - Throw Your Arms Around Me - Hunters & Collectors ... Kiss - Prince ... Venus As A Boy - Bjork.
Or, if you're an ice-hockey player in the AHL, it turns to thoughts of the post-season. Especially if you're playing for one of two teams that'll be facing each other next week in the Playoffs.
A 3-0 victory by the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins had the Bridgeport Sound Tigers a little miffed, especially when one of the goals was scored in one of the Tigers' power plays, which is why they stopped playing hockey and started playing up close and personal with the Baby Pens. Get a room, lads.
Big thanks to Mike and Dellyn for getting the tickets for the game.
Listen - Throw Your Arms Around Me - Hunters & Collectors ... Kiss - Prince ... Venus As A Boy - Bjork.
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