I was going to talk about life, but what the Hell? Let's get stupid for a few minutes and talk about Simon Cowell. Specifically, what you're letting yourself in for if you apply to take part in a show like this.
First of all: your looks. I've created a chart, and if you're thinking of auditioning, I want you to compare how you look right now with this line-up. It ranges from red hot to brown crap.
Be honest with yourself. You don't look like Orland Bloom or Kiera Knightly. Do you, now.
OK, so let's say you DO look like Jack Davenport, at least. Wasn't he good in "Coupling", by the way? Reminded me of a younger Simon Jones in his Arthur Dent days. Anyhoo, you've got the look. Or at least you have a look, and that look isn't either 'beached whale' or 'The Crypt Keeper'. Now all you need is the voice and the shy attitude, all mashed together with a lack of unearned attitude and zero self-importance. And just a dash of coherence.
Not like this Snaggletooth, then.
Can you spot how many incredibly stupid mistakes this Hillbilly made in showing up for auditions? Don't you people think? Don't you wonder why they're putting you in front of the judges when so many thousands were turned away without seeing the producers of the show, never mind the judges?
No. I guessed not.
Listen : Starz In Their Eyes - Just Jack ... Fame - Irene Cara ... Bohemian Rhapsody - not the man in the video above. Queen.
